Newt, Herm and Mitt
November 12, 2011 § 8 Comments
Had you told me even last year that I would have handed the highly coveted Unseen Moon Seal of Approval to Newt Gingrich, I would have scoffed.
First off, there’s the name, Newt. It’s a species of lizard. True, it’s short for Newton*, but even so. And does the man ever smile? Likability matters.
One clear trait that does not matter to me, but it does to others, is that he’s a horn dog. At 68, I doubt he remains one, but he was a horn dog most of his life. At age 19, right out of high school, he married his geometry teacher, age 26.
That marriage lasted 18 years, and there is a myth connected to it. It is widely believed that Newt visited that wife while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery, and he dropped the divorce bomb on her.
Newt has long denied the story, and their daughter Jackie revealed this year that it was her mother who sought the divorce, that the issue came up before her hospitalization, and her surgery was not for cancer, but a benign tumor.
Gingrich had had an affair and married the new object of his affection in 1981. But you can’t restrain a horn dog for long, and in the mid-1990s he had an affair with a flashy blonde named Callista, a congressional staffer 23 years his junior.
They wed in 2000, and I imagine he’ll stick with her. She’s quite an eyeful, if you like that sort of thing. I prefer more chocolate varieties of womenfolk.
Newt is a walking encyclopedia, clearly the brightest on the political stage on both sides of the aisle. He has a Ph.D. in modern European history from Tulane. Yes, he is Dr. Gingrich. Interestingly, he’s a top book reviewer on Amazon.
And he is very effective in setting and meeting conservative goals. Plus, he is learning to smile. I saw him on the telly a few days ago, and clearly his handlers had stressed the value of happy faces.
A poll released within the past 24 hours shows Gingrich passing Cain.
Maybe that’s why he was smiling.
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It’s a shame because if there is one thing the nation needs, it’s a fiery speaker in the White House, an FDR or Clinton. We need a leader, which we certainly lack in the humdrum, wooden, anti-American, left-wing, radical beanpole currently sitting in the Oval Office.
Cain may yet pull his campaign out of the fire. He would be more inspiring than Gingrich even if Newt learns to smile. Either would easily defeat Obama.
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No matter the issue, no matter the venue, no matter anything, over three-fourths of Republicans prefer somebody else, somebody who wears normal, not Mormon, underwear.
Real men wear boxers or briefs. There is a hybrid called boxer briefs, a contradiction. This is what I sport, if you were wondering.
I have them on right now.
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* Isaac Newton, an English genius.
(Note 1: I have added three links to the right-side column. Before there was Cain. Now there are links to Gingrich, Romney and Obama!)
(Note 2: Tomorrow is election day in my developing nation, and I will be voting. It’s fun to vote in two countries.)