The handy man

I have a bachelor’s degree in history, an associate degree in electrical construction technology. And I’m one course shy of another associate degree in computer science.

CableI worked as an industrial electrician for a few months in New Orleans, building a giant Schwegmann’s supermarket.

I’m a certified bartender, a certified massage therapist and a licensed pilot of small aircraft.

I served highballs and cocktails in two watering holes in New Orleans, getting fired from both. I’ve never done massage professionally, and I once flew a small plane off the runway in Slidell, Louisiana, right into the weeds.

Scared the bejesus out of myself. My passenger too.

I’ve never gone to church except to chase girls. I’ve never been baptized, never dunked into sacred waters, never sprinkled or even touched by a wet, holy hand, none of that sort of thing.

Though I toiled in newsrooms for about 30 years, I’ve never taken a journalism class. I couldn’t diagram a sentence if my life depended on it.

In college, I only took one non-required English course, and earned a C.

As a young man, I was a lefty. As an old man, I am a righty, a manifestation of the Sage Saying in the right column of this website’s home page. As you age, you should get wiser and more perceptive.

Alas, so many do not, which leaves the world in eternal uproar.

HandThough I’ve never worked as a pro masseur, possessing magic hands creates a better husband. Only the last of my three wives can attest to that. I came to massage late in life, in my 50s.

I’ve enjoyed our chat, though it seemed a bit one-sided.

14 thoughts on “The handy man”

  1. I dropped out of an MFA program to get a J.D., had a pilot’s license, a driver’s license, served on a Selective Service local board, held offices in bar associations, edited a few books, served as editor-in-chief of a magazine for lawyers, have been a contributing editor to several publications, once was named solo practitioner of the year, was a Blue Bird, a Brownie, a Girl Scout, and a Candystriper.And I was editor of my junior high school, high school, college and law school newspapers. And won an award from ASCAP for work in copyright law. Does any of that count?

    Nah, I didn’t think so. And like Felipe, I am Mexican. That’s the achievement which makes me most proud. The part about being Mexican, not being like Felipe.

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    1. Ah, Ms. Rose, the first person to catch my drift. You done good.

      Yes, all of that counts.

      Would have been better had you been a stripper instead of a candystriper, but I think Nice Jewish Girls don’t do that sort of thing.

      I was a Cub Scout, but I did not get into kid stuff. Only adult doings count.

      And we can both be proud to be Mexicans. We are better Mexicans than some born Mexicans.

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  2. Oh, and I’ve run for public office, too. And I once held the power to commit people to mental institutions.

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  3. I stared taking drum lessons at age 14 and have been playing and teaching drums ever since.(I’m 73 now). I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Music Education and I served 4 years in The U.S.Navy Band in Washington D.C.where I played for JFK’s funeral and Lyndon Johnson’s Inauguration. Back home in Oklahoma I played every kind of musical job imaginable:jazz, rock, country, Broadway musicals, rodeos (don’t get me started on the whole rodeo clown nonsense) symphony concerts, and have backed up numerous well known acts like The Four Aces, The Four Preps, The Platters, Rich Little, Roy Clark, Steve Allen, Judy Collins, etc. I even played for Bob Hope a couple of times. I played for 8 years on The Steamboat Delta Queen. All of this doesn’t count for squat if on the last job I played, I couldn’t play what I was hired to play. When the phone stops ringing, you’re done. If I ever tried to get a “regular job” using my resume, the young person across the desk would probably look up and say “Who’s Bob Hope?”.

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  4. You left out “blogging pioneer.” You’re actually pretty good at that one too.

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, Ma
    Where we’ve become a “blogging late-adopter.”

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    1. Kim: I do not “blog.” I write online. Sniff!

      But thanks for noticing that I am indeed pretty good. Humble too.

      And though you are a late-adopter, you are very good.

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