Drive safe, amigos!

Bulletproof, baby!

FOR THOSE who consider travel to Mexico dangerous, let me show you something you can buy — or maybe rent — before you come down to live or visit:

An armored Jeep Grand Cherokee, and the price is $1,679,900 pesos or approximately $96,000. That’s U.S. cash.

It’s waiting in the showroom here.

This means that as you are barreling down a highway, and you spot a “police” checkpoint ahead, and you’re not sure if they are real cops or just the pretend ones you have heard about, you can  floorboard your armored Jeep. Don’t stop!

You’ll be protected from the submachine-gun fire, from real or make-believe police that will be aimed your way, by the Jeep’s 19-mm-thick armor. No joke!

If the real or pretend cops do not let loose with their heaviest artillery, be secure in the knowledge that you’ll be protected from the following weaponry too:

.22 LR HV 40-grain lead, .38 Special 158 GR JSP, 9mm Parabellum 124-grain FML, .357 magnum 158-grain .44 magnum 240-grain SWC and, of course, the 9mm Parabellum 124-grain FMJ. It’s also grenade-proof! And it runs on flat tires.

This comes from the Jeep-Mexico website.

Another scenario: You’re driving through backwoods in the area around Los Reyes, Michoacán. You round a curve, and there’s a huge tree trunk across the road. All is silent.

It didn’t rain last night. Think fast!

You floorboard that mutha! It’s got four-wheel drive and is powered by 360-horse Hemi V8. You’ll fly right over the tree. If gunfire erupts from the treeline, like with Bonnie and Clyde, just remember the armor. Don’t look back.

I also visited the Jeep website for the United States. There is no armored Grand Cherokee offered. I had always assumed that armored personal cars were special orders, and it appears to be so in the United States.

But in Mexico, just stop by your local showroom.

This seems unfair. Say you encounter a Black Lives Matter gang blocking a street in Oakland, California. Or Antifa halfwits. Drive right through/over them, but they could be packing. Best to have an armored Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Say you’re driving through New York City with your red MAGA cap on your head. An armored car just makes sense.

While we have our fake cops and highway robbers in Mexico, you Gringos have your Democrats and other sorts of EPs*. In both scenarios, an armored vehicle could be a lifesaver.

Drive safe, amigos!

* * * *

* Equality people. See definition in right column.

19 thoughts on “Drive safe, amigos!

  1. Señor Felipe, once again you provide a valuable public service for those of us so unfortunate to be situated NOB.
    It does strike me a completely unfair that we Gringo types do not have access to these sporty carros in the homeland.
    Just another reason to move to Mexico.

    Keep up the good work.


  2. Someone took me to a very fancy DF restaurant once and on the driveway of the place there were three or four armored BMWs on display, I imagine for the consideration of the well-heeled diners concerned about personal security. These cars had twelve-cylinder engines and when you slammed the door it sounded like the door on a bank vault. They looked and felt like they weighed several tons, therefore the V-12 engines to make them move. Very impressive. I wished they had some hidden machine guns front and rear, a la James Bond.

    Someone commented, though, that such cars, particularly the mammoth Suburbans with tinted windows, would attract attention, so you might be safer riding incognito in a Ford Focus.



    1. Señor Lanier: Perhaps they did sport hidden machine guns. They would have been hidden, would they not? I was amused to see that both you and I wrote about cars today on our respective websites. Synchronicity.

      By the way, young feller, DF has not existed for a couple of years now. Long gone. It’s now CDMX.

      FYI. We want you to look good.


  3. With all that extra steel I wonder what the MPG drops to? But I guess gas prices would be the least of your problems. I guess you’d be part of those popular Pemex co-ops, the ones that are able to tap into the big pipe alongside a road somewhere.
    Couple of years ago I was walking by an unattended Suburban parked right outside of a Sanborns in Morelia and my eyes caught a machine gun lying across the front console with no one around. That’s one way not to have anyone ask any questions.

    And all I have is a slingshot and some cats eyes.


    1. Tancho: Here in Mexico we don’t do mpg. We do kpl.

      The machine gun in the Suburban doesn’t surprise me. Likely a cop of some sort … or a bad guy of some sort who knows cops.

      Gringos who’ve never been to Mexico would be very surprised at the sight of UZIs, AR-16s, you name it, virtually everywhere. Something very rarely seen above the border. You rarely see soldiers up there either. Here, almost daily. Mostly in troop carriers.


    1. Peggy: Me too, but not the armored one, and not the Wrangler, which I have heard is quite uncomfortable. Pricey too. I guess I’ll stick with my Honda that’s already paid for. There was a new Jeep Compass parked on our plaza the other day. It really looked sweet. The previous Compass was kinda dinky, but not this baby. I looked at the Jeep-Mexico website, and it’s not there. I looked at the Jeep-US website, and it is there. Oh, well.


    1. Señor Cotton: You need another car? Your Escape’s not that old. Oh, yeah, you’re always driving it into things, walls, buildings, holes …

      Perhaps the armored Jeep is perfect for you, but for other reasons. Walls, buildings, holes …


  4. I’m surprised that Jeep, particularly at that price, isn’t trying to sell that baby to paranoid preppers NOB.

    Still, as one of the more unreliable brands in Consumer Reports’ annual ranking, even with armor, would you want to risk a breakdown if the bad (or good) guys were after you with firearms?


    Kim G
    Redding, CA
    Where we are unarmed, save for our rapier wit.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Feeling safe and being safe aren’t the same thing. Still, comparing a rural village to a major metro (and one of the more crime-ridden ones at that) isn’t an exactly fair comparison either.


          1. Well, your part, which was once separate, is more what I was thinking of. But yeah, it’s pretty rural there. Go out 10 blocks from La Plaza Grande, and it’s pretty quiet and spread out.


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