The pear’s downfall

Abel the Deadpan Yardman cuts the pear down to size.

WHEN WE MOVED to the Hacienda in 2003, there were a few trees on the property — a fig, a loquat, a peach and God knows what else.

As a housewarming gift, the great Al Kinnison surprised me with a load of fruit trees he’d purchased in Uruapan in La Tierra Caliente. Leaving me no option, bless his heart, I planted them. There was a pear, an orange and something else I still don’t recognize, maybe macademia.

Like other plants I’ve allowed here, they’ve turned on me, become evil, and I’m sick of them. Last month, I had the monster nopal removed. Today, it’s the pear that just this past summer started dropping a colossal quantity of fruit which I had to scoop up and dump into the ravine down the street.

I mentioned the problem recently to Abel the Deadpan Yardman, who said he would happily remove the pear. According to him, if you cut it into pieces and let it dry about five years, it makes stupendous firewood.

He arrived this morning with a wheelbarrow and machete, nothing more. I offered him my big pruning saw, which he used instead of the machete. After downing the pear, he proceeded to machete it into smaller pieces.

This has come with a price to pay. My child bride was quite angry in spite of my having told her previously that the pear had to go. Abel’s arrival with his machete and wheelbarrow caught her by surprise.

If she had her druthers, the yard would be limb-to-limb fruit trees of every imaginable variety. My druthers would leave us with a parking lot of stone and concrete. We’ll have to settle on a sweet spot in the middle.

In a few weeks, workmen will be removing more grass from the yard and installing stone and concrete. A part of that will entail removing the peach tree, another trash-tossing pendejo, which abuts the Jesus Patio.

I have told her this too, but I will have another sourpuss spouse on that not-distant day. And then it will blow over. Peace will reign.

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(The Unseen Moon has a new face. Hope you like it.)

29 thoughts on “The pear’s downfall

  1. Felipe: If you think those things are bad, you should see mangos. The flowers drop, and they’re like cloves, they get caught in every little crack, then the fruit comes down by the ton. Birds, insects, ugh. I feel for you.


    1. Kris: No need to feel for me because that baby’s outa here! And waiting in the warm-up area is the cursed peach!

      But the mango does sound dreadful. I’m sure my wife would love it.


  2. I suppose making her pick up the fruit isn’t an option then?

    As for your new theme, if you could change the black to something less contrasty, you’d be onto something.


    Kim G
    Redding, CA
    Where we do have a pathetic granada/pomegranate tree, and it’s ugly with pathetic fruit.


    1. Kim: Every time I bitched about the endless rain of half-rotten fruit, she would say: I’ll pick it up! But she never does. Oh, she might do it one day or even two, but that’s it. She moves on to other concerns of her own. It’s an idle promise I have long since learned is worth nada.


      1. In contrast to the threat of chopping the tree down, haha… Oh, well. Sometimes one has to live through some grumpiness from one’s partner. Tomorrow’s another day.

        When I lived in L.A. we had an avocado tree that created a slick of guacamole in the driveway. None of those avocados were ever worth eating. And since it was a rental, we just let the avocados lie.


        1. Kim: Funny you should mention avocado trees because that is the bait I used to soften the blow of cutting down the pear. We have an avocado that’s about two feet tall that she grew from a seed. I’m gonna plant that baby not far from where the pear was. It’ll be a few years before it turns into a problem, and I may be dead or demented by then.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. When you cross Mexican women, and you mess with their plants, your life is in danger. Go back and reread your prior post.


  4. It’s possible you may see a reduction in the amount of bats you once admired from your patio, as you have Mexican Fruit Bats in your area. With your fruit trees soon to be all gone, it’s likely they will be searching for another host home. I side with your Child Bride for losing the Pear.


    1. Leisa: If I lose the bats, I lose the bats. They’re a mixed blessing in the first place. Of course, you side with my wife because women stick together!

      But this time, I win!


    1. Ray: If you were the one who had to lug buckets and buckets of half-rotten fruit down the street every day during the summer, you would be on my side of this. It’s easy to side with the trees from afar. As for the new website attire, thanks. I like it too, obviously.


  5. Still in luto over the nopal, and now the pear. You had better hope she loves you more than those trees.


  6. We have two kumquat trees in Patzcuaro that we have nurtured for over five years and get no fruit. In Santiago, Chile, we have one on our ninth-story patio that gets water off and on, is essentially neglected, and it produces great fruit while are gone! No justice!

    Nothing worse than rotting fruit to attract unwanted everythings. Dump your unwanted trees.


    1. Patzman: You bring up a point that had slipped my mind. The peach tree, which will be coming down in a month or so, began to attract rats last year, which it had never done previously. That’s just what we need. I’ll have to remember to mention that when my wife starts howling about its removal, which she will. She has a colossal loathing of rats.

      Odd your kumquat is barren. Remove it and plant a loquat. Then you’ll see some action. I’d love to remove our loquat too, but that may send her over the edge. It was here when we bought the property. Gets bigger and more fruity every year.


  7. So tomorrow you get a new president. I see he is reassuring people that there will be no confiscations of property. That sounds a lot like, “If you are happy with your insurance, you can keep your insurance. If you are happy with your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”

    It seems like the goal is to equalize society. Hang on, you are about to be “equalized.”


    1. Señor Gill: I am not optimistic. Even before he was officially president, he somehow ran two plebescites that were specifically not allowed by the Mexican Constitution in the way he did it. So, even before taking office, he was abusing the law. Not a good sign.


  8. You, the wealthy, must pay your fair share. How many Honduran layabouts can you shelter in your mansion? Those beautiful mansions in Havana haven’t been painted in over fifty years. They are full of folks enjoying the new equality.

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