Home alone

macMY CHILD BRIDE has gone off and left me, at least till Monday.

She hightailed it this morning at 8 a.m. to visit Guanajuato with two sisters and three nephews. I could have gone, but decided not to, so here I am, abandoned.

But I’m not completely alone because the house painter is here. If I fall down and break a leg or have a heart attack, he will haul me to the hospital, I hope.

The first thing I did after she departed was to enter the downstairs closet, climb atop a frayed, wicker-top stool and clean off the top shelf which harbored junk from many years ago. I’ll toss that trash into a dumpster this afternoon.

I found a machete up there. I bought it years ago, put it on the top shelf and forgot about it. Machetes are scary. Don’t remember why I bought it. Not going to throw it away, however. You never know when you might want to maim someone unpleasant.

At 1:30 I have a dental appointment downtown. I’ll leave the painter here alone while I do that. He’s applying red, waterproof paint to the roof of the kitchen and dining room. After the dentist, I’ll do lunch at a restaurant, then come home.

About 5 p.m., I’ll head out again with the aforementioned trash, pass by the dumpster, which is actually a parked truck, then head to the plaza for my usual afternoon café Americano negro and some down time with the Kindle.

I’m reading a bio of Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee. Don’t tell Antifa.

Later, as the sun sinks beyond the Yuletide-festooned plaza, I’ll hop into the Honda for the drive back to the Hacienda. Only then, I suspect, will my abandonment hit me hard. It will be dark and solitary. I’ll likely eat an egg sandwich instead of the usual salad.

The king bed will feel like a soccer field where I’m the solitary player.

I prefer a team of two.

12 thoughts on “Home alone

  1. Poor guy. If you’re worried about dying alone, you should get one of those “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” gizmos they sell on TV, though, being that we’re in Mexico, I don’t know who’s going to take the call. You’ll survive alone for a few days, I think.


    1. Señor Lanier: I have actually thought about those gizmos and the possibility that I could need one way down the line, especially in the very unlikely event that I outlive my child bride. But, as you rightly point out, who would take the call here? I’ve never heard of or seen one advertised in Mexico. That’s probably because old people here rarely live alone, far less so than in the United States, I am sure.


  2. Filipe: I used to work for a telephone company and have installed a few of these “gizmos”, as you call it. The company that makes them suggests that you program a friend, relative, or neighbor’s phone number into it, rather than 9-1-1 (Not that you have that system on your mountain top), or the police or fire departments. The TV ads are pretty dramatic, if not irritatingly awful, but the machines do serve a good purpose and work well. One lady had Lou Gehrig’s disease and fell quite often. She did not live alone, but her husband worked during the day and she was alone then. She lived out in the country and programmed her nearest neighbor’s number into it.


    1. Pablo: I’ve never seen them advertised here, and as Al Lanier pointed out, who would you call in Mexico? They seem, especially from what you wrote, to be connected to phone systems. Never seen anything about that from TelMex. I just looked on Amazon U.S. out of curiosity, and there are lots of different brands and systems. The sort that you program someone’s number into is just, it seems, a variation of using your own cell phone, which I normally have nearby.

      Well, I don’t imagine I’ll be taking swan dives down the stairwell anytime soon, especially before my child bride returns on Monday to hoist me up, so I’ll just have to rely on my continued good fortune.

      Actually, we do have 911 here. It’s a relatively new number. The Mexican equivalent to 911 was another number till a few years ago when we switched to 911 so it would be the same here and above the border. Mexican 911, from what I have read, gets scads of crank calls on a regular basis. We are such fun-loving, irresponsible people.


  3. I had a client several years ago in Morelia who wore one of those “Help I’ve Fallen and Can’t Get Up” Freedom Alert pendants, which was programmed to call local and international numbers. His children had purchased it from Amazon in the U.S.

    And I have a friend in Florida whose mother was killed by her Freedom Alert pendant. It caught on a cupboard pull as she fell, strangling her.

    If you reach the stage where you need something like that, you’re probably better off hiring an eldersitter.


    1. Ms. Shoes: Oh, get out! Killed by her gizmo! Surely, that’s one of those Urban Myth legends.

      As for an “eldersitter,” I have one whom I’m married to. Of course, if she’s off gallivanting, it’s not gonna work. Never heard the term before, but I looked it up, and there it is, a real thing.


  4. My hubs will be commiserating with you. He will be abandoned tomorrow for a couple of nights. I have an uncle in Austin, my mother was his oldest sib, and he’s had an episode which I don’t totally understand. He’s in rehab in Austin since about two weeks ago. No one called me until today because he wanted info to be on the down-low, but I need to go see him even though the traffic is horrific. I think he’s had a disabling stroke and is recovering badly. His speech on the phone was very slurred. He’s a retired dentist and is 85 +/-.

    Which REL book are you reading. I read one a short time back, about the time our school district board decided to change the name of my high school, REL, and whether the content was true or not doesn’t matter because I can see the bravo generalissimo as the person he was.

    My perception of having in-home non-family assistance is so intrusive as to be nerve-wracking.


    1. Carole: Buena suerte with your uncle, but it does not sound good, does it? As for the Lee book, it’s one of a free series I get from Amazon. It’s short and called “Robert E. Lee, a Life from Beginning to End.” My sister went to a Robert E. Lee High School in Jacksonville, Florida. I wonder if they’ve changed that name too. Absurd.

      I just answered my own question online. The school is still running with the same name. Excellent.

      Drive safe.


    2. Carole, P.S.: I just checked the school’s website. They have the general in a blue uniform, not gray. I guess they figured it solved the problem. The general is likely twisting in his grave.


      1. Oh, that’s rich! We had gray and red band uniforms, athletic teams called Volunteers, and a yearbook named Traveler (Gen. Lee’s hoss). My school has evolved into Legacy of Excellent Education … LEE … Get it? It’s a conglomeration of magnet schools with an international studies segment, and a couple of others. High schoolers have to apply to get in if they are in the zone of another district high school. I don’t know how that balances out with LEE-zoned kids going there because they live in the zone.


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