No-show from Santa


THIS IS OUR upstairs fireplace, a photo I shot just this morning.

There were no footprints in the ashes, so it appears Santa did not come in through this route. There is also a fireplace downstairs, a larger one that would be more appropriate for fat Santa but again, no footprints in the ashes.

I woke up this morning, leaped out of bed and ran into the living room to see what I had scored, but there was nothing waiting in spite of my having been a good boy all year.

I spent last night alone after transporting my child bride to the nearby state capital yesterday afternoon where she hoopla’ed late into the night with a gang of her relatives, a Mexican family requirement on Christmas Eve.

This after she had just returned the previous day from Guanajuato, again with a gang of her relatives. They were there three days while I cooled my heels at the Hacienda overseeing the painter who will return tomorrow, by the way.

Well, anyway, I rushed into the living room this morning and found squat in the way of gifts. I had asked for an AR-15, a bazooka and a Trump T-shirt.

Perhaps the fact there is neither Christmas tree nor stockings hung on the chimney with care had something to do with Santa’s ill-spirited no-show.

Maybe I should have put out cookies and milk. Or whiskey and steak.

Could it be that Santa does not like Mexicans?

I’ve learned my lesson. Next year I’m not going to be a good boy.

33 thoughts on “No-show from Santa

  1. Merry Christmas to you! Dang, you sure know how to make me laugh out loud. I know you aren’t the kind of guy that makes New Year resolutions but sure hope you continue your blog in 2020. So many of you original bloggers have stopped. I don’t comment often but I read your blog religiously.


    1. Bev: Many of us have stopped because we are dead. That has yet to happen to me, and maybe it never will.

      Thanks for the kind words, but I’ve still given up on trying to be a good boy. There is no reward in it.


    1. Excuse me, my dear. Where does one get decent Argentine empanadas around here? How dare you offer those to people without notifying me first? The last time I saw those was in Chicago or Buenos Aires. Nice and crispy, filled with all sorts of goodies. And duck tacos, never had them, but I’m willing to try, along with that Lipton Tea from San Antonio.

      Merry Christmas to you and your canine(s).

      al and stew


      1. I found a great place for picadillo empanadas, ham croquetas and sausages, just down the road from our ranch, plus all sorts of Spanish dishes. And a beautiful vineyard, in the other direction, with an excellent restaurant. I might reveal the exact locations, next time you come waltzing through San Miguel.


        1. Señor Lanier: Sounds good, and congrats on your having that at hand. However, about a year or so ago I swore off San Miguel forever. Unless there is some compelling reason, we’re not going to darken your Gringo-infested town’s door again. Enough already. We’ll be sticking to the “real” Mexico. It’s nicer here.


  2. You’re such a snarly old coot, no wonder Santa didn’t leave you anything. And besides, Santa doesn’t trade in AR-15s or Trump tee-shirts. He’s a peace-loving Democrat who believes is sane gun control, and hates guys with ridiculous comb-overs held in place with marine-grade polyurethane.

    But there’s hope for you yet. The three Wise Guys, Melchior, Gaspar and Balthazar, are trudging along on their camels, following a star that will reach Pátzcuaro on January 6 at midnight. Maybe a hour or two late, given this is Mexico.

    If you control yourself, and leave three glasses of wine on the fireplace, they might leave you something. Come to think of it, though, make that cranberry juice — just to be safe

    Merry Christmas, what’s left of it.

    al and stew

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Señor Lanier: Once again, you swim in the deep sea of error. Santa is a MAGA man. He just does not advertise it much, not wanting to be physically attacked by Antifa goons on the streets of Anchorage. As a MAGA man, he does trade in arms, ammo and Trump gear. Plus the traditional stuff like dolls for little girls, but nothing for trannys. He well understands the evil of socialism. The elves tried to pull a number on him some years back, but it backfired on them, which is good.

      As for the Three Kings, they will pass me by as always because they are not of my people. Santa is, even though he chose to ignore me this year. Sad.

      And Felíz Navidad to you too. I pray you come to your political senses in 2020. Make it a resolution. There is hope for you. You are smart just woefully misguided. Again, sad.


  3. Yeah, you have earned bad points for cutting down all the trees and not going with your child bride for Christmas! Ha ha. Happy Holidays.

    I just got my husband of 54 years home from the Hospital last night. He had a BAD angina attack the day before. I am so glad he made it back.


    1. Beverly: So, you think Santa was paying attention to my gardening style? I doubt it. As for going with my child bride to the Christmas Eve festivities, I am sure Santa appreciates my approach. I just picked her up from the capital city. They went to bed at 5 a.m. She is catatonic. I, on the other hand, slept eight hours last night and am fresh as a rosebud, feeling good. I’m no masochist, and Santa does not want me to be.

      I send you a cyberhug after what I imagine was a scare with your husband. Glad to hear he’s back home. Hang in there. No fun getting old. Some people say it’s the best time of their lives. In some aspects, it is. In others, far from it.


  4. The empanadas were made by a genuine Argentine living in Morelia, the duck from Indiana by way of Costco and cooked in Morelia, blue corn tortillas handmade by Purépecha women and imported from over Pátzcuaro way, all transported in a red Honda Accord by a Mexican by choice to a humble ranchito a few kilometers west of Cieneguita — all part of the recalentado, which will be topped off with a pumpkin pie crafted by a Turkish Mexican and an apple pie made by a Mexican Mexican.


  5. Better behave yourself in the next year. Play around, and you lose your wife. Play too long, and you lose your life. Good-Time Charley will sing the blues. Stop mutilating plants. Get rid of that machete before it gets you. Better hope that bougainvillea comes back bigger and better. Even better, get into small succulents and cacti. The more the better.

    Anyway, merry Christmas.


    1. Señor Gill: I always behave myself. I am a saint. I am too old to play around, and too beat to play too long. As for mutilating plants, I do no such thing. I control the garden, nothing more. It’s what a good gardener does. As for the machete, it is once more out of sight high in the downstairs closet. As for the bougainvillea, it is recuperating nicely, but now I have set limits. Plants, like children, must have limits, especially cantankerous ones. As for small succulents and cacti, I am generally reducing my green workload.

      And Felíz Navidad to you too, that which remains of it. A prosperous New Year!


    1. Landslide: I left no snacks. I left all to chance, and he flew right over the Hacienda, one imagines, without stopping. As mentioned, I’ll not strive to be a good boy next year. Quite the contrary.


  6. Here, empanadas are fruit filled. However, some folks make them with a meat filling. But the Mexican bakery makes only fruit filled. My wife buys them on occasion, but only the pumpkin. She knows I don’t care for pumpkin, and she says the others are not good for my diabetes.


  7. Sorry Santa left you a lump of coal. Judging from the temperature down there you could use one. I just got an email from a friend in Morelia for Christmas, and he said it got down to 9 degrees at night. Too cold for me. I could send you a Trump T-shirt, but it would probably be destroyed like your coffee cup. If it did make it down intact I doubt whether you’d wear it out on the street that much. I don’t.

    All the best for 2020.


    1. Brent; That’s 9 degrees Celsius, of course, which is about 48 Fahrenheit. That’s real cold to you? But you’re a Canadian! That should be room temperature to you.

      Yes, sending me Trump gear probably would be a waste of time and money. Still waiting to see if I get that Trump cap I ordered from China. It’s on a slow boat, it seems. And no, I could not wear it on the street here at all.

      And may you have a great 2020. I think you will. I feel it in my bones.


  8. My Significant Other kinda overdoes Christmas. It’s not that I want to be passed over completely, but a happy medium would be good. A nice dinner with some family, for example.


    1. Creigh: We are totally of one mind on this. One of the many points of contention I had with my last wife was that she went berserk for Christmas, stark, raving mad. While I would have been fine with a moderate approach to the season, her extremism had the unfortunate effect of pushing me in the other direction. It was a serious, annual conflict. Of course, we had other problems too that spanned the entire year.

      I like Christmas. Not too fond of the work it entails, however. Or the traffic or the crowds. I wish I could say it’s over now, but it does not end in Mexico till Three Kings Day the first week of January. The season here grinds on and on and on …


  9. Santa missed your house? I am sorry for that. However, I love the picture of your fireplace. I think, as someone else pointed out, that guns and MAGA merchandise are out of Santa’s purview. Maybe you should have wished for a new-fangled appliance such as the Instant Pot in Señor Cotton’s blog. As for me, I had a quiet little Christmas with family. We elected no gifts which is nice actually. I was surprised only by gifts from my ESL class students and fellow teachers.


    1. Laurie: I don’t think Santa failed to leave me arms and a MAGA hat for political reasons. I am sure he is a Trump fan because he’s not merely a jolly old elf, he’s a bright and perceptive one. I think he simply did not stop here at all for whatever reason. Maybe next year will be better, assuming I’m still alive. You never know at this point.

      As for the Instant Pot, I thought about it a year or so back when Señor Cotton and Ms. Shoes first mentioned it, but not being the foodie they are, I decided to stick with what I already have, which is not much.


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