Vitamin V-plus

(Warning: The following may be disturbing to young children and women prone to the vapors.)

I took Viagra the other night. The first time. Zoweee!

spikeI’m 68, in better physical condition that most men my age. Blood pressure is good. Blood sugar is normal. Cholesterol’s just dandy. And I am sleek to boot. At 6′-3″, I weigh about 170.

Really got no significant health issues at all. I take no ongoing meds, which is more than many folks my age can say.

In short, I feel fine. Plus, I have a child bride, a daily inspiration.

And my weiner still works! But not precisely as it did at age 38 or even 48. I attribute this to an ever diminishing testosterone level, which is normal as men age. But the hot dog worked well enough, and I was happy with it.

I had no plans whatsoever to down Vitamin V-plus.

And then I noticed that hereabouts, below the border, purchasing Viagra requires no doctor visit, no prescription. It’s right there for the asking.

I opted for adventure.

The Farmacia Guadalara sold me a box of four 50-mg. blue pills for about 45 pesos. That’s around $3.50 U.S. You can even buy a box of just one!

Viagra comes in calibers of 25, 50 and 100. About 15 percent of men feel side effects, mostly increased heartbeat, flushing, headaches, nose congestion — or death. That means 85 percent suffer no side effects, good odds.

But there is the big mama:  If you have a woody for more than four hours, see your doctor immediately.

This falls into the category of: I have good news and bad news.

And it’s the same news.

I decided to start out small. I had purchased the 50-caliber pills because the drugstore did not stock the 25s. With a pill cutter, I halved it.

My candlelit trial run revealed the 25-caliber to be ideal.

Just so you know, I’m 48 again.