Savior of penises

ALMOST SIXTEEN years ago, I improved a young boy’s life by saving him from circumcision as a baby. He did not learn of this huge favor till yesterday. He was very appreciative and rightly so.

And, yesterday too, I repeated the favor for another youngster, also a relative as is the first fellow.  The first boy is a nephew. This second one is a relatively newborn grandson of a sister-in-law. The child’s mother casually mentioned that her baby would soon be circumcised.

Oh, no! I erupted. Don’t torture the child for absolutely no good reason, or any other reason, for that matter. Child abuse!

new imageSince I am in good standing in the family, the Old (Wise) Gringo, I prevailed, and the child will be spared the razor.

That this ancient Jewish religious rite not only continues into modern times but has been picked up by much of Western Civilization, people who aren’t even Jewish, is incredible. The good news is that in recent decades opposition has been growing. There is a Movement!

It’s for hygiene, many doctors still parrot. Poppycock! If you can wash behind your ears and between your toes, you can wash there too. And if you’re still in diapers, your mother can do it for you.

I wish someone had saved me from the blade those many decades back, but no one did. No one cared enough.

But I can save others. I owe it to my brothers.

Paddling to heaven

nopal

AND NOW we turn to gardening news.

There’s a rosebush in Tombstone, Arizona, that’s billed as the largest rosebush — tree, actually — in the world.

I have stood beneath it. Zounds!

Little did I know that one day I would be bringing similar fame to my mountaintop town. But in the form of a nopal cactus, that most Mexican of plants.

I have mentioned this monster before, but it just keeps on growing. I attempt to control its horizontal growth with clippers, but its vertical size increases yearly. And now even its horizontal girth is beyond me.

In Springtime, it sprouts red blooms and lots of additional leaves, which are, a reader told me, called paddles. The red blooms will come mostly next month. Sweet.

I planted this big mama about a decade back. There were only two paddles at the time. It was quite small, but it really liked its new location. I planted one in half a whisky barrel in my Houston yard in the 1990s, and it never did squat.

It just sat there lamely.

My wife trashed it after we divorced because she said it was bad feng shui. I do not believe in feng shui because I don’t think the Goddess cares which direction your house faces or if you have cactus in a whisky barrel. Or anything about mirrors.*

The Goddess has larger issues on her plate. She doesn’t care if you eat pork either or clip your baby’s ding-dong. Actually, she greatly prefers that you don’t.

I sat on the ground to take the photo because I thought it would accentuate the nopal’s height, but I think it did just the opposite. This big mama is about 14 or 15 feet high.

No matter. Look at that blue sky.

The cactus below sits in a pot on the edge of the veranda. It’s reveling in Springtime too, as you see.

It’s today’s bonus cactus.

cactus* Mirrors serve only three purposes. 1) Fixing yourself up. 2) Spotting zombies behind you. 3) Lighting fires in the wild.

Save the foreskin!

THE LITTLE FLAP that covers the tip of men’s peckers is back in the news again.

Babies of the male persuasion are born with the little flap because it has a purpose — like eyelids, outer ears and fingernails. Protection.

Centuries ago, when folks were less than strenuous regarding most elements of sanitation, primarily because sanitation was an unknown concept, it was decided in some neighborhoods that cutting off the little flap was wise. It got grubby down there.

Women likely mentioned this first. You want to put that where?!

Somehow or other, cutting the little flap got caught up in religion, especially the Jewish and the Mohammedan. But even folks who were neither Jewish nor Mohammedan, over the centuries, here and there, picked up the habit of cutting off the little flap too.

chainsawFlash forward many centuries. Now we know a lot about sanitation. But we still cut off that little flap. At least, many of us do even though there is not one iota of reason to do it.

Apart from religion. And pure habit.

Organized religions do lots of good things, but this detail ain’t one of them.

I managed to save my favorite nephew from losing his flap a decade ago. I wish someone had saved me. This brutality should be outlawed everywhere.