Buck Rogers Zapata

Space ship
Felipe at his desk at dawn.

Boy, I’m loving this move into the 21st Century, cyberwise.

After getting my new Hewlett-Packard All-in-One last week, every day brings new adventures and discoveries, 99 percent of them positive. I should have upgraded years (or months) ago.

Normally, I bound out of bed about 6 a.m., pour coffee, which is already waiting because I went modern on that long ago, grab a scrap of dry toast and head upstairs to see what’s happening in the world.

Especially what sort of madness the Obama Brown Shirts are up to, the most recent being their plan to require movie theaters to install staggeringly expensive equipment so blind and deaf people can be “included.”

It will likely put lots of small neighborhood and art cines out of business,* but no matter because absolutely everyone must be “included” in spite of the pain it inflicts on others, the 99 percent.

More PC bull-hockey.

The H-P All-in-One starts in a few moments, unlike the old computer which could grind on for up to five minutes before I actually saw anything, and even then it often would freeze repeatedly in the morning as if it were actually waking up from nightmares.

Lord, I used to cuss.

First off, I open Grooveshark to start some soft sounds, and then I go about my news-reading business and communication.

And all so fast!

One surprise problem was that my printer did not work with Windows 8, and the printer was a relatively recent purchase, a couple of years ago, which is quite recent in my residential cyberworld.

So I returned to Office Max in the state capital yesterday and bought a new printer, an Epson. And get this: it’s a scanner and a copier to boot! And there is more! It gets its orders via those waves floating in the air.

I do not grasp how that works.

Another beautiful thing about my new H-P All-in-One is Skype, which I have had for years. On the old computer, before using Skype, I had to get down on my knees with a flashlight to connect the headphone wires behind the tower which sat on a low shelf of my custom-made desk.

And when I finished my phone call, I had to get on my knees again to disconnect those two wires and reconnect the single wire that permitted my speakers to work. Receiving Skype calls was not an option unless I could get down on my knees to switch wires before the caller hung up.

I couldn’t. Calling me on Skype required an appointment.

All that has changed. Initially, I was happy because the plugs were up here right in front of me, and I could switch wires easily. And then, quite by accident, I discovered that I did not have to use wires at all.

I could just talk to the freaking monitor! Imagine my glee.

New discoveries appear daily. It’s a whole new world.

And I’m really loving it.

* * * *

* More of the Bumbler’s job-elimination policies, chasing an impossible egalitarian world no matter the ghastly consequences.

(Space ship art by Andree Wallin.)

The blastoff!

I bought a new computer, the first since 12 years ago.

Computers have changed a lot in that time. Did you know that?

rocketI only do the desktop. I don’t travel wired, never have, perhaps never will, but don’t hold me to that because I can change.

The computer I was using before was purchased from a fellow who was the only internet provider on the mountaintop when I blew into town long ago.

The machine is a mix of components from different companies, and the Windows XP is a pirate. Most Windows in Mexico, I have read, are pirates. I did not know I had purchased a pirate till some time later.

The vendor neglected to mention that detail.

I found my new baby at Office Max in the state capital. It has Windows 8, and it cost about 600 bucks, which is less than I paid for the previous computer.

Boy, have times changed.

The old computer has the big tower, and it runs like a 747 on takeoff, a constant roar. This new computer is very quiet. Someone could actually sleep in the same room. At least, they could doze.

The new baby is a Hewlett Packard Pavilion 20-inch “All in One.” It was that all-in-one that appealed to me because I am not into gadgets and all their details. Just give me something intact that works.

While the old computer was connected by wires to everything, this newbie just sits here, behaving itself. It connects to the internet via some kind of waves floating in the air. Did you know about that?

And it’s fast. The old computer was incredibly slow. I blamed the internet provider for years, but now I realize it was the computer.

I clicked on something yesterday, and suddenly I was looking at myself. I was on television! Or something like that. This thing has a camera. I think it’s that little hole at the top of the monitor. I put my finger there, and I vanished.

I bought a new computer, and they included a television studio!

Did you know about that?

I spent much of yesterday downloading stuff I am accustomed to. It took less time than I expected. I still have to move photos and music from the old computer.

I think I can use a tiny gizmo that plugs into little holes in each computer. I imagine you know about that already.

I should have done this far sooner.

Being cheap and lazy can be counterproductive.