Rise for the judge

TWO “RAPE” CASES have gotten lots of buzz above the Rio Bravo.  Here’s how Judge Zapata would have ruled:

(1) At a Stanford University frat party, a young woman, 23, got herself plastered, passed out, and a horny boy, 19, had his way with her behind a dumpster. How romantic.

She reportedly was unconscious during the encounter, a vital point to remember as we move along.

New ImageA judge gave the frat boy a six-month sentence, which has hordes of people up in arms. A petition for his recall has many thousands of signatures.

The boy is the primary guilty party, of course. The girl is the secondary guilty party, in spite of feminist blather that the “victim” never shares any fault at all.

In this case, she does, big-time.

If she hadn’t drunk to excess — her choice — and passed out at a frat party surrounded by boozed-up, hormone-charged adolescents and young men, she would not have had her skirt lifted. Where was her brain?

Since she was unconscious during the booze-fueled event, she was not traumatized in spite of a long, weepy letter she sent to the judge after sobering up and hoping to excuse herself.

And she wasn’t a virgin. No university coed of 23 is these days with the possible exception of Brigham Young University students, certainly not at Stanford.

Had I been the judge, my sentence would be this:

For the horny frat boy: 40 days of community service.

For the very stupid girl: 30 days of community service.

I wouldn’t have been recalled. I would have been tarred, feathered, and run out of town on a burro’s backside.

Such are the silly times in which we live.

* * * *

(2) A woman schoolteacher — I forget where — was arrested and charged after it came to light that she had an ongoing sexual relationship with a male student, aged 13. She faces some very serious hard time in prison. Decades.

This is arrant nonsense.

A grown man taking advantage of girl of 13 is one thing, but it’s different when the roles are reversed. In spite of current cultural fads, males and females are very different.

The boy of 13 was not abused. As a former teenager — and every honest man is nodding his head — I can tell you without the slightest chance of being mistaken, that the kid has a smile plastered permanently on his face, and all his guy friends are giving him high-fives. The teacher is a looker.

Here is what Judge Zapata would do in this case:

Fire the teacher. Period. She clearly lacks sufficient sense and self-control for the job. Better that she works at Hooters.

But prison? Gimme a break.

* * * *

The court is now out of session. The judge is napping.

* * * *

(Note: The first sexual encounter would never have been publicized had not two European grad students happened by. It would have been just another of thousands of inebriated sexual encounters that occur at boozed-up frat parties.)

My favorite queen

MY FAVORITE queen is neither Great Britain’s Elizabeth II nor Denmark’s Margrethe II. My favorite queen is not even a she. He’s a he, Milo Yiannopoulos.

m_flagniceThe Greek-born, England-raised Yiannopoulos proves that being a queen doesn’t mean one’s a leftist.

It’s downright refreshing.

Here he is predicting (correctly, I hope) the demise of ham-fisted political correctness.

* * * *

(Note: Yiannopoulos is the tech editor of the conservative website Breitbart News,  among other things, and he’s the only gay guy on Earth barred from the City of San Francisco.)

War against men

I’M MAD AS Hell, and I’m not taking it anymore!

To what am I referring? The corporate war against men. Corporations are the root of all evil, as any clueless Smith College coed will assure you.

And what is the specific battlefield on which I wage war today? To wit: There are two sizes of nail clippers, right? A small version for fingers, and a large version for feet.

But those sizes are for women exclusively. The foot version doesn’t work for men’s feet unless the man is a midget.

I use the foot version for my fingers because the finger version fits my fingernails about as well as the foot version fits my footnails, which is to say not at all.

This is a clear corporate attack on men’s rights, men’s Constitutional and God-given rights to have neat feet.

And I’m sick unto death of it.

footLet’s be clear: The “big” clipper is about half as wide as my big toenail. And the smaller clipper for fingers likewise goes about halfway across my nails.

What are we to use? Hatchets? Cutlasses?

This is a feminist-lesbian plot* to diminish men, to put us in our place. I encourage all men to withhold sex from their women until something is done about this outrage.

Man up for nail clipper equality!

* * * *

*Yes, feminist-lesbians are in bed with corporations. Who knew?

Another upper cut

girl

IF THIS WERE not perilously threatening to national security, we could all burst out in howling laughter. We could even fall on the floor and roll around in a total giggle fit.

To what am I referring? The politically correct, feminist nonsense of wanting to put the ladies into hardcore military combat units that even most men can’t do.

Recently, I shared with you the news that 100 percent of applicants had flunked out of the Marine Corps Infantry Officer Course. Every single one of the women was overwhelmed.

Today we learn that 100 percent of applicants washed out of the Army Ranger School in the first phase. That’s right. They never even made it to first base.

How much longer will it be before the famously and necessarily tough training in those two services is watered down to shove some ladies through to justify the collectivist and feminist delusion that women and men are cut from the same camouflage cloth? It won’t be much longer, I predict.

Police and fire departments have already done it. Shame on them.

The Russians and Chinese are not doing this. Certainly not the Mohammedans.

Let us weep, yet again, for a once great nation. And marvel at the silliness in which it swims.

* * * *

(Chuckle-laden Army photo by Pfc. Antonio Lewis via The Washington Times.)