Nose hairs

WHY IS IT that the word “hair” doesn’t sound bad and can even sound good? But the word “hairs” always sounds gross, just by adding one letter on the tail-end.

And if you add “short” before “hairs,” you’re in a whole different world.

But even “hair” can be problematical. If you run your hand through the hair of someone you love, it’s quite nice, but if you find a hair in your sandwich, it’s nasty, even if it’s from the head of someone you love.

Love has its limits.

What brings this to mind today? My new nose-hair trimmer. When I moved south of the Rio Bravo 15 years ago, I brought lots of things with me that I suspected would not be available here. One of those things was a new nose-hair trimmer, a Panasonic which worked great.

Until recently.

Today I ordered a replacement from Amazon. In the years since I moved south, I have had two other trimmers, and neither worked well, certainly not like the Panasonic which was like the Energizer Bunny. I went to Amazon, found a Panasonic that resembled the one I had, and almost bought it.

Until I read some of the reviews. Most were positive, but quite a few were negative. What most caught my attention were the many customers who said the new version is very inferior to my older version.

trimmerSo I looked at other options. Some are sold by companies that don’t ship to Mexico, so that limited my choices a bit. I finally settled on this baby.

Why am I writing about this potentially disgusting topic? Because, as you get older, the world changes. One of the things that changes is that you have less hair on your legs and arms and more in your nose, ears and eyebrows. This proves the Goddess has a sense of humor.

To make room for these growing patches in the nose and ears, the Goddess made those entryways larger, which proves she has a sense of balance and proportion.

And I am older, hitting 70 last August. In case you missed the birthday post, it’s right here, entitled The Final Adventure because I did not move to a park bench in Topeka to feed pigeons.

I moved to Mexico, which is an endless adventure.

Amazon says I should get my trimmer between the 12th and 17th of February. It will be delivered to my post-office box. In the meantime, if you see me in the street with hair protruding from my nose and ears, be aware that I’ll deal with it as soon as the package arrives. Apologies in advance.

Hairs and big ears

Trimmed my nostrils and ears this morning. Should be able to breathe and hear better, but I don’t, so it’s primarily an aesthetic issue.

Things happen to a guy as the years pile on, and this includes hair coming out of the nose and ears. And speaking of ears, they get bigger. Fascinating stuff.

There’s nothing I can do about the Dumbo ears, but I can control the nose and ear hairs. Why is it that hair  sounds nice, but hairs  sounds yucky? That letter s  is transformative but not in a positive way. The short hairs?  Even worse.

My child bride is adamant that I control my hairs. She might be more of an asset, pointing out fertile patches, if she would only wear her glasses, but she does not. Vanity.

So I’m mostly on my own with hairs control. I have one of those battery-run trimmers, but it’s so old it’s unreliable. I’ve bought new ones, but they’ve been disappointments.

Bad designs. They just don’t work well, poor slice-and-dice.

It’s amazing how many old men pay no mind to the hairs problem. Their ears resemble wheat fields on a warm summer afternoon.

CorsairHow they breathe through the nose crop is tough to understand. And then there’s the eyebrows, which on some coots resemble F4U Corsairs.

Most men do this from neglect, but others clearly cultivate the eyebrow wings, giving them intentional upsweeps. It’s a lunatic look.

I prefer my eyebrows with the basic buzz cut, but sometimes they fly off the proverbial handle for brief periods. I beg forgiveness.

* * * *

Let’s turn to old women.

God intended for women to have long hair. That’s a fact. It’s a man-magnet. Some cultures now permit, even encourage, women to sport short hair. Lamentable!

Today’s United States is a classic example. It has become a unisex nation with everybody looking pretty much the same — as feminists want. A woman with short hair means she doesn’t care about attracting male attention, even her spouse’s.

She has ceased to be a butterfly.

With an old woman, this is understandable. Cut them some slack. They deserve peace after putting up with men for so many years. It’s still not a good look, however.

Old women are fortunate in that hairs do not sprout from their nostrils and ears, at least not as enthusiastically as they do with us old men.

As God wants women to have long hair on their heads, he does not want to see women with, you know, hairs. Women’s ears do get a bit bigger, however.

* * * *

If you spot me today, note the clear openings into my skull, the buzz cuts over the eyes. There’s nothing to be done about the Dumbo ears, however.

Some things one must simply endure.