Hillary hilarity

hillTHAT HILLARY stands a better-than-fair shot of being the Democrat nominee is amazing.

The Democrats are the party of permanent victims, illegal aliens, open borders, lawlessness, dole recipients both able-bodied and not, fat-cat union retirees, that huge segment of blacks who don’t know they’re being hustled, movie stars, deviants, chaos, the emotionally unstable* and, perhaps most of all, distracted voters who haven’t realized it’s not their Daddy’s Democrat Party anymore.**

Hillary and her hound dawg hubby, however, are .0001-Percenters who own four mansions. Her actual accomplishments — positive ones — are virtually nonexistent. Even her supporters can cite little.

As pundit Charles Krauthammer has pointed out, the only concrete thing she has to offer is Hillary-ness. She differs from two other popular Democrats — Barry and Bernie — in that those two guys are sincere — grievously mistaken, but sincere.

Hillary simply wants to be president! Apart from that, she has little to say, which is why she dodges reporters, simply waiting for the coronation she knows she richly (pun intended) deserves.

Hillary has trust issues. Let’s have fun with that. Here’s a list that’s floating around cyberspace. I hope it will brighten your day.

It’s titled “17 Things I Trust More than Hillary Clinton.”

1. Mexican tap water.

2. O.J. Simpson showing me his knife collection.

3. A fart when I have diarrhea.

4. Taking pills offered by Bill Cosby.

5. Michael Jackson’s doctor.

6. An Obama nuclear deal with Iran.

7. A Palestinian on a motorcycle.

8. Gas station sushi.

9. A Jimmy Carter economic plan.

10. Brian Williams news reports.

11. Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton.

12. Playing Russian Roulette with a semi-auto pistol.

13. Emails from Nigerian princes.

14. A condom made in China.

15. A prostate exam from Captain Hook.

16. Bill Clinton at a Girl Scout convention.

and my personal favorite:

17. The Heimlich Maneuver from Barney Frank.

The original list included 20, but I culled three as unworthy.

Have a great day.

* * * *

* Bruce/Caitlin Jenner, a Republican, is an exception.

** You likely are in this category. You are culpable but reformable.

(Bonus material: Hillary dishes out $600 for a haircut.)

Adiós, Hugo!

Hugo-ChavezThe no-neck demagogue Hugo Chávez, pal to Sean Penn and Fidel Castro, has died. Good riddance, I say.

We have someone similar here in my country, a perpetual left-wing candidate who goes by his initials, AMLO. He can’t seem to get elected, but he comes close.

Reaction to Chávez’s death is pouring in. The Mohammedan zealot organization Fatah, which gets oodles of cash from America’s tax coffers, says Hugo was “a loyal friend.” And Jimmy Carter is down in the dumps.

Senility is a sad thing to see in a former president.

No matter that Hugo sent tons of petrobucks to murderous dictators like Castro, Iran’s Ahmadinejad and Syria’s Assad.

Tip of the day:  When you see a politician in a red beret, run the other way.

Obama has never been seen in a red beret.

But I’m betting that when he and Michelle invite Sean Penn or George Clooney or maybe Matt Damon to the White House screening room on Saturday nights, they all sport red berets, even Michelle with her bangs in her eyes like Brigitte Bardot, and they puff Cuban stogies and laugh out loud.

Perhaps they hum The Internationale and clink champagne.