Getting stuff

ONE OF THE many adventures connected to living on the hardscrabble outskirts of town is getting stuff, mostly stuff in the mail.

parcelThere is no house-to-house delivery in my neighborhood. What happens is that all the mail for a certain area is dropped off at a central spot, which can be a small, corner grocery or it can be somebody’s home.

You then have to go there, the store or the home of some stranger, and ask for your mail. Of course, you have to know mail has arrived in the first place. Nobody comes and tells you. It’s a mystery-challenge.

I avoid the problem most of the time by having a post office box downtown, which is where 99 percent of my pittance of mail goes.

The quantity is small due in large part to not getting junk mail like one gets above the Rio Bravo. I wonder if that’s still a problem up there, like dinnertime phone calls. I don’t get those anymore either.

But sometimes I buy stuff from Amazon, the Gringo version. Amazon just recently opened a Mexico branch, which is great. Here’s the problem with ordering from the Gringo version, which I still do if necessary when what I want is not on the Mexican site.

You never know how it’s going to be sent. Regular mail or express mail like FedEx or DHL. Asking does no good. And the express services do not deliver to post office boxes, or so they say. Mexican magic can make it happen on occasion, but don’t hold your breath for that.

So putting the delivery address on the Amazon package is like Russian Roulette. If I put the post office box and they send it DHL, I’ve got a problem. If I put my home address and it’s sent regular mail, I’ve got another problem, though not so serious.

My main problem with the central drop-off here in the neighborhood is that I’ve never trusted it. It seemed like a black hole.

On rare occasions in the past, when I knew something had been sent to my home address, I would go to the fellow’s house where all the mail is dropped off, just over the railroad track, and ask. His wife would answer the door. Or, more commonly, no one would answer.

If the wife answered, I would ask if her husband was home. He never was. I would ask for my mail. She would know absolutely nothing of the mail.  It was her husband’s job, not hers.

Repeated visits to the home got identical results. No answer or an absolutely clueless woman. Living here can be challenging.

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered camera accessories from the Gringo Amazon. For some reason, I assumed it would be sent express mail, so I put my home address on the package. It was sent snail mail instead.

Even so, Amazon provided tracking.

This morning, I checked. It was delivered yesterday, four days before the promised delivery of Aug. 10, next Monday. Though it had been “delivered,” it was nowhere in my line of sight.

Here’s where it gets juicy. That man who gets my mail in his home, the man with the clueless wife, the man who is never at home?

That man is the man I recently hired to weedeat my lawn. This means we have a personal relationship, very important, and not just that. I pay him money. He is now quite interested in me. I have hooked him.

Living in this country is all about personal relationships, which is why Mexicans have the reputation of being so freaking friendly.

Personal relationships facilitate lives. That’s true most everywhere, but it’s more true here. It can even keep you out of jail.

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While writing the above this afternoon, the doorbell rang. It was the package delivered by my “mailman” who weedeats the yard and lives just two blocks from here with the clueless woman.

The label says it arrived by something called MRU Post. I have no idea what that is. I have never heard of snail mail offering tracking, but this arrived in the typical two-weeks time of snail mail. It appears to be a new sort of snail mail. A Google search provided no answers.

It pays to have a personal relationship with the mailman. He never used to bring stuff to my house. Now he does. We are connected.

He likes the weedeating gig. And I like getting my mail.

Relationships.

Hillary hilarity

hillTHAT HILLARY stands a better-than-fair shot of being the Democrat nominee is amazing.

The Democrats are the party of permanent victims, illegal aliens, open borders, lawlessness, dole recipients both able-bodied and not, fat-cat union retirees, that huge segment of blacks who don’t know they’re being hustled, movie stars, deviants, chaos, the emotionally unstable* and, perhaps most of all, distracted voters who haven’t realized it’s not their Daddy’s Democrat Party anymore.**

Hillary and her hound dawg hubby, however, are .0001-Percenters who own four mansions. Her actual accomplishments — positive ones — are virtually nonexistent. Even her supporters can cite little.

As pundit Charles Krauthammer has pointed out, the only concrete thing she has to offer is Hillary-ness. She differs from two other popular Democrats — Barry and Bernie — in that those two guys are sincere — grievously mistaken, but sincere.

Hillary simply wants to be president! Apart from that, she has little to say, which is why she dodges reporters, simply waiting for the coronation she knows she richly (pun intended) deserves.

Hillary has trust issues. Let’s have fun with that. Here’s a list that’s floating around cyberspace. I hope it will brighten your day.

It’s titled “17 Things I Trust More than Hillary Clinton.”

1. Mexican tap water.

2. O.J. Simpson showing me his knife collection.

3. A fart when I have diarrhea.

4. Taking pills offered by Bill Cosby.

5. Michael Jackson’s doctor.

6. An Obama nuclear deal with Iran.

7. A Palestinian on a motorcycle.

8. Gas station sushi.

9. A Jimmy Carter economic plan.

10. Brian Williams news reports.

11. Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton.

12. Playing Russian Roulette with a semi-auto pistol.

13. Emails from Nigerian princes.

14. A condom made in China.

15. A prostate exam from Captain Hook.

16. Bill Clinton at a Girl Scout convention.

and my personal favorite:

17. The Heimlich Maneuver from Barney Frank.

The original list included 20, but I culled three as unworthy.

Have a great day.

* * * *

* Bruce/Caitlin Jenner, a Republican, is an exception.

** You likely are in this category. You are culpable but reformable.

(Bonus material: Hillary dishes out $600 for a haircut.)