My smartphone’s not too swift

I TOTE a smartphone, but it’s not the brightest bulb in the pack.

It’s the only one I’ve owned, and I’ve had it about four years. I bought it “pre-owned” on MercadoLibre for 1,000 pesos, which is about $53 U.S. today, but it was a bit more when I bought it.

It’s a Sony Xperia, and it’s so small that when I use my bank app to get a 12-digit code to use at an ATM when I don’t have my debit card, the phone cuts off the final digit of the code, making it useless. If only the screen were wider.

My phone is never connected to the internet except in my house where it uses my WiFi, and the only thing I do online is check balances at my two banks. I don’t do email or Google or anything of that sort. The primary reason is that my fingers are large, and the phone’s keyboard is small.

I use it 98 percent to send text messages to my wife and, occasionally, call someone, usually my wife. It’s a phone, fer crissakes.

I’m not averse to technology, but phones are too small for me. My child bride has a larger Samsung Galaxy, but I still find the keyboard annoying. I don’t like to be annoyed.

Some people type fast on a phone, and they do it with their thumbs, which is my biggest finger. Anyway, I don’t want to learn that because it would confuse my typing on my Hewlitt Packard All-in-One desktop machine.

I type 100 words per minute on that baby, something I learned in typing class in high school where I was the sole boy in a sea of girls.

Not only is my Sony keyboard small, the phone has limited storage. Usually, if I want to add a new app, it tells me that I first have to delete some other apps, just not enough room for a new one.

I don’t use many apps. I have the obligatory call blocker, a flashlight, a bluetooth skimmer to use around ATMs. You know about that? That pretty much sums up my phone apps. I’m a simple fellow. The Hacienda has no landline.

One might think, hey, he’s an old guy, so he cannot grasp high technology, but lots of people my age, probably most, carry high-tech phones. But not me.

Maybe one day, and I prefer “pre-owned.”

Last man standing

sonyUNTIL THIS week, I was the last man in the modern world without a Smartphone. But I have folded.

Sure, I had a cell phone, had one for years. It would do calls, messages and, well, that’s it. I was a Luddite in the phone department. The Hacienda has no landline.

I had never bought a Smartphone because I already spend too much time online, plus the phone keyboards are too freaking tiny for my manly paws. It’s annoying.

The primary reason I upgraded was that the old phone’s sound was lame. I frequently had trouble understanding what was being said* through that antique gizmo.

My new phone is a Sony Xperia C1904 that came onto the market in 2013. I bought mine used for 1,200 pesos, about 65 U.S. bucks, on Mercado Libre, which I’ve been wanting to try for years. A reseller in Mérida shipped it to me via DHL.

It’s not one of the huge ones. It measures 2.5 inches by 5 inches. I bought a nice case to carry it on my belt. I look very hip.

I have no contract. I just pay for the time I use, which is how I want it. I don’t need a contract because I don’t communicate with lots of folks. My personality remains the same.

My phone number did not change.

* * * *

* Say what?